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Adult Message and Child Role Boundary Map

An adult disagreement needs an adult route.

Fifteen minutes before the next adult messageFree · Two-page fillable PDF

Companion to Keep Your Child Out of the Middle of an Adult Disagreement.

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See a worked example

Hypothetical example: parents disagree about a pickup arrangement and confirm the actual handoff directly instead of asking their child to argue the terms.

01Identify the adult issue without assigning a child

Identify the adult issue.

Adult issue needing resolution

People responsible for deciding

Actual decision still missing

Existing arrangement to honor

02Remove questions that demand a side

Remove the child’s messenger assignment.

Message child was asked to carry

Adult interpretation child was asked to give

Loyalty question to stop asking

Child duty that remains appropriate

03Use the appropriate adult route

Confirm the appropriate adult communication route.

Direct adult communication route

Necessary factual message

Time a reply is actually needed

Unresolved point to label honestly

04Explain the child’s plan rather than the dispute

Explain the practical child plan without the argument.

Child’s practical next step

Adult available for questions

What the child need not manage

Next handoff confirmation